


Holiday Blues

by donsboy



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Angst, Excessive Drinking, First Time, Holidays, Hutch's secret, Loneliness, Longing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:01:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28460571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donsboy/pseuds/donsboy
Summary: Hutch has a secret to share with Starsky, but he's afraid and alone for the holidays.
Relationships: Ken Hutchinson/David Starsky
Kudos: 7





	Holiday Blues

Hutch went to the fridge and grabbed another beer. He was feeling sorry for himself and missing Starsky at the same time. Starsky had gone back to New York to spend Christmas with his mother and family. Hutch lay down on the sofa, balancing his beer on his stomach. He was thinking about the night before Starsky was supposed to leave. Hutch had asked if they could get together before Starsky left. Starky said that he would try to get by. Hutch had fixed the Paul Muni Special, had a nice bottle of wine chilling in the fridge, and was waiting for Starky to show up. When Starsky finally showed up, he promptly hurt Hutch's feelings by saying that he wasn't hungry because he was having dinner with Donna Frasier from Central Booking. Hutch went into the kitchen, threw the food in the trash, and put the dishes in the sink. Starsky came into the kitchen, saw what Hutch had done and tried to apologize.....

“Hutch, I'm really sorry..... I had no idea you had gone to all this trouble.....”

“It's no big thing, Starsk.....”

“I guess I should have told you that I had plans.....”

“That would have been nice.....”

“Buddy, I really am sorry about this.....”

“You said that already.....”

“But.....”

“There's no fixing this so just leave it alone and go..... you don't want to keep Donna waiting, do you?”

“Can you do something for me?”

“What?”

“Can you take me to the airport in the morning? My flight leaves at 9:15.....”

“I'll be at your place no later than 8 so we can beat the rush....”

“I really appreciate it.....”

Hutch didn't say another word as Starsky got his jacket and left. As soon as he knew for sure that Starsky was gone, Hutch broke down. He cried for the fact that his evening with Strasky was ruined, and for the fact that he was in love with his partner but didn't have the nerve to tell him. After his crying spell, Hutch cleaned the kitchen and got ready for bed.

Meanwhile, Starsky was having a miserable time with Donna. He was laughing and joking on the outside, but his mind kept going back over what happened with Hutch earlier. He had the feeling that he was missing something, but couldn't put his finger on what it was. He hated leaving things the way he did with Hutch, but Donna had been bugging him for a date for a long time. Once they got back to Donna's place, she insisted he come in for a nightcap. Soon they were in bed together, but Starsky kept thinking about Hutch. When it was over, he dressed and thanked Donna for a nice evening, explaining that he was leaving for New York in the morning, and said that if they could get together after he got back from New York, he would let her know. When Starsky got home, he finished packing and set the alarm so he could be ready when Hutch got there. As he lay there waiting for sleep, he wondered just what was bothering Hutch. He could understand Hutch getting upset over dinner after going to all that trouble, but this went much deeper than that. Starsky knew he needed to spend some serious time talking with Hutch so he could try to help his friend with what was bothering him.

The next morning found Starsky eager to see Hutch. He hoped Hutch wasn't still mad at him about the night before because he didn't want to leave Bay City with Hutch still upset. He had coffee, showered and dressed with 20 minutes to spare before Hutch was due to pick him up. He double-checked his suitcase and set it by the door. Hutch arrived on time and took Starsky's suitcase to the car. Strsky locked his apartment, and the two headed for LAX. Conversation was a bit stilted because Starsky could see that Hutch was still upset, but nothing was mentioned about the night before. Starsky was excited about Christmas in New York, and kept up a running commentary about getting to see his family. Hutch did his best to conceal his depression about Starsky being gone, and Starsky saw little peeks of it but decided not to mention it until he got back.

They made it inside the terminal, and went to look for the gate Starsky would be departing from. Once they found the departure area, Starsky realized they still had 45 minutes before he had to board. They found an empty lounge and sat down to wait. Starsky asked what Hutch was going to do for Christmas, and Hutch replied that he wasn't sure yet. Starsky saw the depression peeking through again, but wasn't sure how to address it. He knew one thing for sure: He and Hutch were gonna have a long talk when he got back whether Hutch wanted to or not. Before they knew it, Starsky's flight was being called. Starsky picked up his suitcase and said; “I guess this is it, buddy..... are you gonna be okay until I get back?”

“I think so.......”

Starsky set his suitcase down and grabbed Hutch in a big hug, and whispered in his ear; “We'll talk when I get home..... I promise.....” Hutch tried to turn away so Starsky wouldn't see the tears. Starsky saw them anyway, and the sight broke his heart. He knew then that he was going to make good on his promise. He picked up his case and told Hutch; “I'll see you soon.... you've got Ma's number if you need me.....”

“Get going so you don't miss your flight.....” And with that, Hutch turned and walked away.

Hutch made his way to his car and left the airport. He was already missing Starsky in the worst way. He went back to his apartment, trying to decide what to do. He checked the fridge to see if he had everything to get through the next couple of days because he didn't want to run out of anything. He made a list and headed for the store to get his shopping done before the stores got busy. While he was out, he stopped at his favorite liquor store and bought three bottles of whiskey and three cases of beer to help get him through Christmas. When he got home, he got everything unloaded and put away. He grabbed a beer and turned on the TV. That didn't last long because every station was showing Christmas shows and movies, and all that served to do was make Hutch sad and depressed. He started thinking about Starsky and the tears came fast and furious. He loved Starsk so much, but knew he could never have him the way he wanted him. Starsky not knowing the truth about how Hutch felt was getting old, but Hutch was afraid to say anything because he didn't want Starsky to hate him. Hell, for all Hutch knew, if Starsky found out, he might want another partner, and never want to speak to Hutch again. Hutch couldn't stand the idea of Starsky not being in his life, so he kept quiet. He remembered what Starsky had said at the airport, and Hutch considered telling Starsky his true feeling when they talked. It seemed like a good idea, but then again, maybe not.

While Hutch was having his pity party in Bay City, Starsky was taking a nap in New York. The flight had tired him out and his Ma insisted he take a nap because they had a pretty full schedule for the next couple of days. Nicky and his wife had come from New Jersey, and everyone was going to visit relatives later in the day. After that was Christmas Eve dinner the next day, and then Christmas with more relatives. When Starsky went to lay down, he thought about Hutch, and wondered what he was doing. He hoped Hutch was okay. He thought about calling him, but changed his mind because he had so much to do that day, and he really did need a nap. As he drifted off to sleep, he decided he would try to call his partner as soon as he got a chance because he knew if he didn't, Hutch would have himself tied up in knots over whatever was bothering him.

Hutch went to the kitchen for another beer. He was buzzed, but didn't really care. He decided that he was gonna stay as drunk as he could for Christmas. It sounded like a good plan to him, anyway. That way he could try to forget for just a little while and not have to think of anything but his next drink. He knew he was being foolish, but he didn't really care. He spent some time in his greenhouse fussing with his plants, took a beer-induced nap, and woke up ready for round two. Meawhile, Starsky was trying to keep track of all the cousins' names while they were out visiting relatives. He finally lost track and had to ask his Ma who was who. The last visit was cut short because Leah was tired, and wanted to rest. Starsky helped her up the stairs and got her settled. He turned on the TV and quickly became engrossed in “A Christmas Carol”. When that was over, he decided to call Hutch, but Nicky came into the room to use the phone. Deciding his phone call could wait, Starsky peeked in on his mother and decided to go for a walk.

After taking a trip down Memory Lane, Starsky ended up in a little park near his mother's building. As he sat on the bench, he started thinking about Hutch. Whatever was bothering him had been doing so for about the last six months or so. Hutch tried hard to hold it in, but every now and then, it would peek through. He usually caught it in time, but Starsky caught little glimpses. He never said anything to Hutch because he thought that Hutch would come to him and want to talk about it like he usually did. Not this time! The scene at Hutch's place the night before he left was a perfect example. Sure, Starsky knew that he should have told Hutch that he had a date, but Hutch kinda took it to the extreme. That coupled with the fact that Hutch tried to hide his tears at the airport made Starsky know that something was very wrong. Seeing Hutch cry tore Starsky to pieces, but he had to suck it up and put on a brave face. If he hadn't been coming to see his family for Christmas, he would have stayed and tried to help Hutch work things out. He seriously hoped that Hutch could hold on until he got home.

Hutch was doing okay. He was well on his way to getting completely blotto for Christmas. He opened one of the bottles of whiskey and had it mostly finished by that evening. He did manage to eat a sandwich, but that was all. Mostly all he did was sit on the sofa and think about Starsky and what he had to tell him. Every time he thought of Starsky, he felt sad and confused. He wanted so much to tell him how he felt, but then the fear of what might happen would creep in. Hutch knew he had to do something soon, but had no idea just exactly what that was. All he did know for sure was that he had to tell Starsky because holding it in was eating him alive inside, and he knew something had to be done because there were times when he felt as though he would lose his mind. Hutch finished the drink in his hand, headed for the bedroom, fell across the bed and promptly passed out, hitting his head on the nightstand.

Starsky awoke and sat straight up in bed. There was something wrong with Hutch, Starsky had been dreaming about talking with his partner, and then Hutch passed out on him. He went out into the hall and got the phone from the table and brought it into his room. He shut the door and turned on the light so he could see to dial the phone. He dialed Hutch's number and waited for Hutch to answer.....

“'llo?”

“Hutch?”

“Schtarsky, is that you?”

“It's me, Hutch..... have you been drinking, buddy?”

“Ever shince you leff..... why are you calling? You're upposed to be visiting fambly, not worrying about me.....”

“I'm worried because I left you alone with something big bothering you....”

“Ish no big thing, Schstarsk.... we'll talk shoon, I hope.....

“You bet we will because I'm taking the next flight out of here. I'm gonna call the airlines and see what I can get and I'll call you right back.....”

“But what about your fambly?”

“You let me worry about that. I'll call you back in a few minutes.....”

Starsky ended the call and dialed United. The had a flight out at 7:45 A.M. Starsky booked a ticket and called Hutch back. He told him he would take a cab to Venice Place as soon as he got in. He told Hutch to call his Ma's number back as soon as they hung up so he could set his alibi. Before he hung up, he told Hutch to lay off the booze and to get some sleep. Hutch called Leah Starsky's number back just like Starsky told him to. Starsky waited a few minutes and put the phone back on the table in the hall. He napped off and on the rest of the night, and got up to make a pot of coffee around 5 o'clock.

Starsky was in the kitchen when his mother came in. She asked why he was up so early and he told her that he had to get back to Bay City as soon as possible. When she asked why, he told her that one of the cases he and Hutch were working had a major break, and his Captain had called him home. Leah said she thought she heard the phone earlier in the night, and Starsky said that was the reason for the phone ringing so late. Leah asked if Starsky had called the airport yet, and he explained that he'd taken care of that. He told her that his flight was leaving at 7:45, and that he would take a cab to the airport. He apologized for having to miss spending Christmas Day with her, but she told him that she understood. She offered to fix breakfast, but Starsky said he wasn't hungry and not to trouble herself. He went to his old bedroom and re-packed his bag, making sure he didn't leave anything behind. He took his suitcase to the hall by the front door so he could go downstairs to meet the cab. He checked his watch and saw he that really needed to call the cab company if he was going to get to the airport on time. After he made his call, he went in to say goodbye to his mother, and headed downstairs to wait on the stoop.

Meanwhile, in Bay City, Hutch was doing his best to sober up. He took a cool shower, shaved, and tended to the knot on the back of his head from the fall he'd taken. His head pounded like a drum, so he took some more aspirin. After he dressed, he went into the kitchen/living room area and was shocked to see how many empty beer bottles covered nearly every available flat surface and the shattered whiskey bottle in the trash can. He began stacking empty beer bottles in a crate near the front door to be taken down to the dumpster later. When he finished with that, he fixed a pot of coffee and tried to eat. His stomach tried to rebel, but Hutch kept everything down. The one thing that kept him going was that Starsky was coming home. Part of Hutch felt bad that Starsky would miss Christmas Day with his family, but the other part felt good about Starsky making his way home just for him.

When Starsky landed in Bay City, he quickly found his suitcase and started looking for a cab. He found on quickly and gave the driver his address. He knew he told Hutch that he would come to Venice Place from the airport, but in truth, he was exhausted. He thought he might take a nap, shower, and then head over to see Hutch. He decided to call and tell him when he got home. When he arrived home, Starsky paid the cab driver and let himself into his apartment. He put his suitcase down, kicked off his shoes, and went to the fridge for a root beer. After finishing his drink, he stripped to his underwear and lay down on the bed. He grabbed the phone and dialed Hutch's number.....

“Hello?”

“Yo, Hutch..... you busy?”

“Not really..... where are you?”

“I'm at my apartment. I decided to try and take a nap because I've basically been up since we talked early this morning and I'm wiped. I figured I'd nap, then shower, and come by later if that's okay.....”

“Sure, Starsk..... that'll be fine.....”

“Alright, buddy. I'll see you then....”

Starsky ended the call and settled down for his nap. He slept a good part of the day, waking up around 5:30 P.M. He stretched and went to the bathroom to shower and dress. He grabbed the phone and called Hutch like he said he would. Hutch told him to come by whenever he got ready, and said that he would have pizza waiting for him. Starsky said he would be there and ended the call. He got dressed, found his wallet and keys, then headed out the door.

The pizza guy had just left when Hutch heard the Torino pull up. He ran to the window, and his heart leapt when he saw Starsky get out of the car. Hutch was getting plates out of the cabinet when Starsky walked in the door.....

“Hutch, I'm here......”

“Come on in, Starsky.....”

Starsky walked in the kitchen and gave Hutch a big hug......

“How are ya, Baby Blue?”

“Much better now..... are you hungry?”

“Sure......”

“Then let's eat....”

The guys sat down at the table and started eating. Starsky entertained Hutch with stories about all his cousins and other family members. Hutch got teary-eyed and apologized for calling Starsky away from his family at Christmas. Starsky was quick to tell Hutch that it was okay and that he didn't mind. He went on to say that Hutch was just as important to him as his family was. Hearing that set Hutch off on a crying jag, and he apologized to Starsky for his mood swing. When they finished eating, they sat down on the sofa. Starsky wanted to ask Hutch about what was bothering him so, but wasn't quite sure how to broach the subject. Hutch beat him to it by asking if they could talk.....

“Sure, buddy.... what's on your mind?”

“I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't been myself lately, and that's because of what's bothering me......”

“What can I do, Hutch?”

“Just listen until I get it all out, please?”

“Sure.....”

“Okay....here's the deal.... I've fallen in love with you, Starsk. I've felt this way for about a year now, and I fall deeper each day. I want you around me all the time, and I get antsy when you're not. A perfect example is what happened the night before you left for New York. I planned that nice dinner, and then you told me you had a date. I was furious, but I tried to keep my temper in check. I've been so afraid to tell you because I was afraid that you might not want me for a partner anymore, and that it would wreck our friendship. I was also afraid that you wouldn't want me around at all, and that's something I couldn't take. Now you know why I've been acting the way I have, and why I've been tying myself up in knots over this.....”

Starsky sat there for a few moments, trying to absorb what Hutch just told him. He wasn't revolted, and he didn't want to run screaming from the room. From Hutch's tone and demeanor, he was telling the truth about all of it. It hurt Starsky to think that Hutch had carried this around for so long because he was scared of what Starsky might do. Starsky knew he needed to acknowledge what Hutch just told him. Hutch was waiting to hear what he had to say, and Starsky knew he had to be careful so that he didn't hurt Hutch's feelings.....

“Hutch, I want you to know that I'm not angry. Let's get that understood first off. It took guts for you to sit there and tell me how you felt, and I respect that. Just because you're into me doesn't mean that I don't want you around because I do. After all, you're my best friend. There is one thing I need to ask of you.....”

“What's that, Starsk?”

“I need to know if you can give me some time for this to sink in...... I promise it won't be long. Say I let you know something definite by New Year's Eve? Can you do that?”

“I don't really have a choice, do I?”

“Now Hutch.....”

“I'm kidding, Starsk.... I have to admit that the idea of waiting scares me, but I know giving you time is the fair thing to do....”

“I'll make you a deal.... I'll call ya from time to time, just to socialize.....how's that?”

“That's fine....”

“All right, it's deal.....”

The two shook on it and soon after, Starsky promised to call Hutch in the next couple of days and headed for home. Hutch sat on the sofa, crying because he was uncertain about Starsky's decision. At least Starsky knew the truth now, and Hutch had to admit that it had gone better than he thought it would. Hutch dried his face, locked up and went to bed. Across town, Starsky sat on his sofa thinking about what Hutch had told him. So his partner and best friend wanted him. He could deal with that. Truth be known, he'd thought about Hutch that way before. Granted, he never acted on it, but he did entertain the idea more than once. That's why Hutch's confession didn't bother him. What he wanted to put some serious thought into was taking the friendship to another level. Could he do it? He thought he could because he cared for Hutch and couldn't deny him anything. To be honest, the idea was starting to grow on him.

The next morning Hutch got up early and went for a run to clear his head. When he returned home, he showered, made a health shake and some coffee. He felt much better after his run, so he did some chores around the apartment and went to the market. Starsky was never far from his mind, but he knew that he'd promised to give Starsky some time. He wanted to call his friend but didn't because Starsky said he would call and Hutch knew he had to honor that. Knowing all of that didn't help matters, though. When Starsky finally woke up, he reached for the phone and promptly put it back on the table. He had intended to call Hutch, but decided to leave that situation alone for now. He had some serious thinking to get done. New Year's Eve would be here before he knew it, and he wanted to have a plan for when he gave Hutch his answer.

The next day, Starsky did call Hutch just to check in and see how Hutch was holding up. Starsky could tell that Hutch was nervous, but he was hiding it fairly well. Starsky kept the conversation light, and that seemed to help. Just before he ended the conversation, Starsky told Hutch that he hadn't forgotten what they'd discussed, and that he would have a definite answer on New Year's Eve. After they hung up, Hutch felt a little better having talked to Starsky. He had sounded upbeat, and that gave Hutch hope that all was not lost. He knew he needed to prepare himself for whichever way things turned out, but talking with Starsky gave him hope.

Starsky spent the rest of the day thinking about Hutch and the situation. He felt confident that he could be Hutch's lover, and he had no problem with that idea. He'd had some experience, and was sure that whatever he and Hutch didn't know, they could learn together. He had to admit that he was a bit nervous, but he realized it was because he didn't want to disappoint Hutch. Starsky was relieved that he had come up with a fair solution. Of course he needed to explain to Hutch that he might make mistakes, and he hoped that Hutch would have the patience to show him what he did wrong. Other than that, Starsky couldn't think of anything that could stand in the way. He supposed his confidence came from the fact that deep down, he had recently awakened feelings for Hutch. Feelings he never thought he would act upon. The days moved on, and soon it was New Year's Eve. Hutch tried to calm his nerves because tonight was the night he would get his answer from Starsky. He hoped things would turn out in his favor, but if they didn't, well, he'd cross that bridge when he came to it. Starsky was excited about tonight. Knowing Hutch, he was nervous as all get out. Well, come tonight he wouldn't have to be nervous anymore because Starsky planned to make Hutch's dream a reality.

When they talked on the phone, Hutch said he was making New Year's dinner for the two of them. Starsky said that would be great because they wouldn't have to worry about getting reservations, and they wouldn't be on the road with all the drunks and crazies. Hutch agreed and told Starsky he could come by when he got ready, and that dinner would be ready around 7p.m. Starsky said that would be good and that he would see him sometime before 7. Starsky took a long shower and took precautions to be as clean as possible both inside and out. When he was done, he dressed and got ready to go to Hutch's place. Hutch did the same routine as Starsky, even though he still had no idea of tonight's outcome. He figured that it was better to be safe than sorry, and he wanted to be prepared in case things worked out in his favor. After getting dressed, Hutch went to the kitchen to check on dinner. Everything was coming along nicely. The food was cooking, the wine was chilling in the fridge along with the champagne. He set the table with his good china and even got out his candlesticks. He put candles in them and set them on the table to make dinner a bit more special.

Just as Hutch was getting the Special out of the oven, Starsky showed up. Hutch's case of nerves tripled and he nearly dropped the baking pan. He got it on the table and asked Starsky if he wanted a beer. Starsky said yes so Hutch gave him one. Starsky asked if there was anything he could do to help, and Hutch told him to have a seat in the living room while he finished getting dinner ready. Conversation flowed easily as they talked of everything and nothing. Hutch finished getting the meal together and called Starsky in to eat. Both men enjoyed dinner and Starsky complimented Hutch's skill in the kitchen. Hutch refilled their wine glasses and they went to the living room. They both sat on either end of the sofa talking quietly when Starsky put his glass down on the coffee table. He turned to Hutch and took his hand, saying; “It's time we talk, Baby Blue......” Hutch had been dreading yet wanting this moment. He placed his glass on the table, turned to look at Starsky, and said; “Okay.....”

“Hutch, I know you've been a nervous wreck waiting for tonight, but I want you to know you have nothing to be nervous about.....”

“I don't?”

“No, buddy, you don't..... I've put quite a lot of thought into what we discussed, and I want you to know that I don't have a problem with you being in love with me. From what you told me, it wasn't easy carrying that around, especially being scared of what I might or might not do. I want you to know here and now that you don't ever have to be afraid to tell me anything. You understand?”

“I understand..... Starsk, have you come to a decision about what I told you?”

Instead of answering, Starsky closed the gap between them and gave Hutch a chaste kiss on the lips. Starsky had to smile at the look on Hutch's face. Pure bliss! Starsky leaned in again and gave Hutch another kiss, deepening it and licking Hutch's lip with the tip of his tongue. Hutch opened up and let Starsky in, devouring his tongue in the process. When they finally came up for air, Starsky stood up and held out his hand. Hutch took it and Starsky led him to the sleeping area where he proceeded to make all of Hutch's dreams come true. As sleep claimed him, Hutch felt like the luckiest man alive.

In the early hours of dawn, Hutch came awake in the darkness to the delicious sensation of being held. He was sore in places he'd never been sore before, and that brought a smile to his face. Starsky had done things and shown things to him he'd never had done before, and he'd loved every minute of it. As he lay there, he knew that he and Starsky needed to talk about what happened and where they were to go from there. As he subtly shifted to go to the bathroom, Starsky tightened his arms around Hutch and asked; “Where do you think you're going?”

“I gotta use the john, babe....”

“Hurry back because I need to use it, too.....”

Hutch did his business and washed his hands. Starsky was getting out of bed as Hutch came out of the bathroom. He grabbed Hutch and lustily kissed him, grabbing a handful of ass in the process. Hutch laughed and pushed Starsky away saying he was going to make some coffee. When Starsky finished in the bathroom, he found his jeans and put them on. He headed to the kitchen to find Hutch standing at the sink staring out the window over the sink lost in thought. Starsky walked up behind Hutch and gently put his arms around his waist, causing Hutch to jump......

“What's the matter, babe?”

“Just thinking about us.....”

“What about us, Hutch?”

“Starsky, we need to talk about some things.....

“Pour me a cuppa Joe, and we'll talk......”

Hutch poured two cups of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table......

“I have so many things I'm wondering about, and I want to try and get things worked out, if we can....”

“Sure, baby.... what's buggin' ya?”

“Starsky, was this just a one-time thing, or is this something you want to pursue?”

“Hutch, this is more than a one-time thing for me.... I was hoping that we could be together.... you know, like take our relationship to the next level.....”

“I was wanting that, too. It's like I told you; I want you with me all the time. It makes me feel better knowing you want the same thing.....”

“What else, Hutch?”

“Well, there's work to consider.....”

“That part's easy.....”

“What do you mean?”

“All we have to do is act like we always have and we should be fine. I know it'll be hard to do, but we can do it. Just act like we always have. Keep our romantic feelings under wraps for at home.....”

“I'm glad you cleared all this up for me , Starsky......”

“You're welcome, Blintz.... Now, what say we go back to bed so I can re-stake my claim?”

“How long do you think that will take, Starsk?”

“Oh, say the next fifty or sixty years, Baby Blue.......”

THE END


End file.
